Oh, the horror.
And this is where the rants come in.
Welcome to this year’s edition of what the fuck were people thinking. Here we explore what was clearly, at least to me, not anywhere up to par or relatively listenable for 2012.
Plus, it’s fun for me to rip on stuff.
So here goes. Let’s pretend this is the mix tape for the road trip to hell.
The I just heard this, and this is crazy, but am I missing something, maybe? Award– Carly Rae Jepson, Call Me Maybe
Ms. Jepsen is clearly waving goodbye to 2012 with a big smile. Her song, Call Me Maybe, was a HUGE hit. And to my shock, I see it on a lot of end of year lists. Like half of the writing staff of Pitchfork put this in their individual Top Ten Lists. And naturally, Entertainment Weekly made it the song of the year.
But there’s nothing to it but that inane bordering on stalker-ish chorus and that annoying synth string riff. I mean, if someone walked up to me and said ‘hey I just met you, and this is crazy,’ I don’t think infectious pop song.
I think, run away. Far away.
The MC Hammer Called and Wants His Moves Back Award- Psy, Gangnam Style
2 billion views on You Tube… It’s catchy , you say? Well, so is herpes. I’m just afraid we won’t be able to get rid of this, either.
The You’re Trying Way To Hard Award- Madonna, MDNA
Oh, Madge. It’s time to hang up the cone bra. Even American Life wasn’t this bad. Retire to Vegas and do your greatest hits farewell tour with Cher. But Gaga has replaced you. You’re no longer the edgy female artist. You’ve become Dina Lohan.
The Overworked, Overwrought Award- The Killers, Battle Born
Wow, it was supposed to be this epic, powerful mind blowing new disc. Instead it’s an epic, powerful mind sucking disc that just blows. Schmaltz. I wonder if Diane Warren helped write these songs?
The Yawn I’m Over This Sound Award– Mumford and Sons
Folk, schmoke. If I want to listen to Fleet Foxes, I’d listen to Fleet Foxes.
The Most Overrated Funeral Dirge of Death That Critics Seem to Love Award– Swans, The Seer
It’s unlistenable industrial sludge. I can only imagine this is the soundtrack for snuff films. Ugh.
Not to mention the cover art is a drawing that can only be described as Cujo imagined as a yorkie. Creepy.
The Tasteless Award- Ke$ha
For sharing this with us in the first place. Because it’s bad.
And then trying to say you didn’t even want to do the song, when it’s yanked from radio rotation due to a national tragedy (and rightfully so), when clearly you invested plenty of money and marketing and a really bad video in the song- that’s tacky and hypocritical.
It’s fraud- you can’t even support you own work when it’s the subject of poor timing. Because you don’t even like.
The Go Back To the Other Dimension Award- Aerosmith
1989 called, they want you to stop. Just. Stop.